Someone who I will not name, because I do not wish to publicly shame him, recently opined to me that the correct cheese for a grilled cheese sandwich is not cheese at all, but the bright orange plastic wrapped slices of vegetable oil sold as “processed cheese”.
I am appalled.
Surely this opinion is not widely held?
I will admit that I have recently stopped using slices of real cheese and gone to the pre-grated cheese in a bag, because while you wait for the sandwich to cook, you can get a bonus chupaqueso!
So, let’s settle this with a poll:
[poll=7]
{ 20 } Comments
Grilled Cheese.
It’s SIMPLE.
White Bread.
American Cheese Slices.
BUTTER.
That’s IT. Change ANY of those and you no longer have Grilled Cheese.
You might have a new, trendy metrosexual-dish-du-jour, but it is no longer “GRILLED CHEESE”.
Hey, you toss some Brie on some pain de son and slather it with some yogurt and toss on the grill, that’ll be great on Food Network’s Iron Chef or Chopped.
But it ain’t Grilled Cheese, pilgrim.
As a substitute for cheddar cheese in things like mac and cheese or grilled cheese sandwiches, Velveeta (or a store-brand equivalent) has a couple of things going for it.
1. When it melts, it remains reasonably uniform in texture and appearance, while cheddar tends to decompose into cheese solids and liquid fat.
2. It’s cheap.
If lazy, quality #1 makes processed cheese spreads super-convenient. #2 makes for more money to spent elsewhere.
That said, it’s really not the same, and doing either up right really does require recourse to real, proper cheese.
A year ago I would have gone with the Velveeta, but Stingray makes it with real cheese every time and I’ve gotten used to it. I had one with the processed stuff a bit ago, and it tasted almost plastic- I still kind of liked it, mind you, but it’s no longer a “grilled cheese sandwich” in my mind.
Look, you people are sad.
There are NO GRAPES, nor NUTS in “Grape Nuts”. If I gave you a bowl of grapes and nuts, you’d said “What the hell?”
There is no HAM in HAMBURGER. If I gave you a patty made of chopped, grilled ham, you’d said “What in the hell are you doing?”
There is *no* Velveeta or CHEDDAR (Shredded or otherwise, but at least use it from a block) in Grilled Cheese.
There’s only Sliced American. Yes, it’s mostly from vegetable oil with some milk added. Yes, it’s processed and more plastic than the wrapper.
But that’s what GRILLED CHEESE requires. Anything might be good, it might be fab, it might be what the latest fad is, but it’s not Grilled Cheese.
Ok, HT to LabRat:
“The Missionary Position Sammich is the standard grilled cheese we have all come to know and love through these many moons. In the past, there has been a slight controversy as well as plenty of confusion over this category. We of the GCI management have now outlined the rules specifically so that this grilled cheese sandwich will only contain the following: standard white bread, orange cheese (Cheddar or American), and plain butter
I will have to retract my cheddar comment above. (Damn Commies. Messing everything up.)
Grilled Cheese Invitational Rules
I quote:
“The Missionary Position Sammich is the standard grilled cheese we have all come to know and love through these many moons. In the past, there has been a slight controversy as well as plenty of confusion over this category. We of the GCI management have now outlined the rules specifically so that this grilled cheese sandwich will only contain the following: standard white bread, orange cheese (Cheddar or American), and plain butter (or margarine).”
American Cheese. Not American Cheese food, not American Cheese Spread–the description needs to stop at cheese, without modifiers or excuses. Cheddar isn’t smooth enough, the substitutes are too gooey.
Sorry, it’s American ‘cheese’ or nothing. You may occasionally add another slice of something for variety. But not often, and not much.
I consider myself to be a tolerant person on this front, as long as we’re talking about real cheese.
From time to time, though, I have seen people advocate the use of mayonnaise on grilled cheese sandwiches.
These people are heathens. Public execution is too good for them.
Grated sharp cheddar (or Velveeta) butter, and a small amount of plain yellow mustard. A small amount of mustard.
I invented a sandwich once.
Its not a classic like grilled cheese, but its not bad.
First you fry some bacon, then you take the bacon out of the pan, and put it aside. Then you spread some peanut butter one piece of bread and put some cheese on another piece of bread.
Then put the bacon in between the two slices of bread, so that it nestles in between the peanut butter and cheese.
Then you fry this sandwich in the bacon grease.
Mayo on “grilled cheese” is disgusting. Of course, mayo on anything is disgusting, too, as is mayo by itself in the jar. Bacon, on the other hand, rocks on grilled cheese.
American cheese on a grilled cheese is for kids.
Cheddar for adults (you may use a mild or sharp, depending on your taste; or if you are single, on the availability of said cheese)
Velveta if you are broke. ;) Actually velveta isn’t bad, but it isn’t really cheese.
I realize I’m in the minority here. Sorry, I don’t care. Those who voted for *fake* cheese are just wrong.
American cheese/processed cheese is still cheese. Processed cheese food is mostly cheese. Processed cheese food product, that’s oil.
I’ve been eating REAL cheese on grilled cheese sandwiches for over 50 years; Velveeta is for catching fish. American cheese in plastic is just a defective form of orange glue.
Bottled mayo is ok for making Tarter sauce; unless the mayo is homemade it isn’t good for anything else.
Just my opinion.
Dude, that chupaqueso site has porn popups…
Embarrassed me at work, it did…
Regards,
The already-grated stuff hanging in a bag has a factory-applied coating of de-emulsifiers so the individual “kernels” of Kase-stoff don’t stick together and can be metered-out through the processing machinery better – it’s just a nifty little added extra like the coating on grains of powder when you re-load…probably prevents buildup of cheesy static electricity too. :-)
In the days of my wasted youth, when 3 of us larval engineers and one girlfriend (no, we did not share), were living in poverty, I once casually informed the GF that American process cheese was, in fact, made from refined petroleum. Said so, right on the label. Being somewhat incredulous, she looked to the other two, and got, with straightest faces, somber, nods of confirmation.
Unfortunately for us, she had been living with us long enough to know to check the citations, even with 100% concurrence, and went to the fridge and carefully read the ingredients. For some reason, she’s very hard to convince of anything anymore.
American without soup, Vary sharp cheddar or muenster on rye or pumpernickel with soup. Cheddar for the chicken and cream type soups, muenster for anything with beef in it.
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