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Drink Your Kool Aid And Raise Your Right Hand

Acolytes of sensible firearms! Opponents of prissy guns! New Glock owners! Raise your right hand and repeat after me:

I, [YOUR NAME], having forsaken inferior fighting pistols that are encumbered with switches and levers and knobs and other ridiculousness that may get my ass shot off in a lethal force encounter, do solemnly swear that…

…I will never purchase nor install any 3rd party parts or accessories, especially those made of titanium, except for a set of steel night sights to replace the cheap plastic sights that can be twisted off with a pair of pliers.
…I will only purchase pistols in 9x19mm, since other autopistol chamberings offer no advantages other than costing more and taking up valuable magazine space.
…I will keep my pistol clean and properly lubricated, and will never, ever, never, double dog swear, never put lube in the striker channel.
…I will only shoot clean, jacketed ammunition in my pistol and avoid dirty, weak and poorly sized lead reloads.
…I understand that it is not the Glock that is shooting left, my sights do not need adjustment, for it is my lack of trigger management causing me to miss.
…I will purchase a quality holster that fits my exact model, not some cheap and flimsy “fits all” nylon holster which will flop around, soak up sweat, close up after I draw my pistol and possibly dump my pistol out in the dirt, making me look like a putz.
…I will wear my pistol every where it is legal, such that Evil may be opposed by 17+1 rounds of copper-clad righteousness.

…So help me [YOUR CHOSEN DEITY]! [HIS, HER, ITS, MY] will be done!

{ 10 } Comments

  1. Ben | July 22, 2008 at 8:42 am | Permalink

    You mean just seeing the giant maw of the business end of a 1911 doesn’t stop evil in its tracks? Pshaw.

  2. Alan | July 22, 2008 at 12:37 pm | Permalink

    I’ll agree with a few edits.

    Make that an XD instead of a Glock.

    Make it a .40 instead of a 9mm.

    Don’t bother cleaning it because clean is for fetishists and the thing works fine dirty.

    Since an XD has proper lands, go ahead and shoot lead ’cause lead’s cheaper to reload and you’re shooting thousands of rounds a month to stay in practice right?

    Flame on! :)

  3. DaveP. | July 22, 2008 at 2:31 pm | Permalink

    Point here… I’ve carried a Model 20, a Model 36, a Model 19 and a Model 23 and they’re all fine guns and all of them have their individual charm. Take the Model 20, the infamous Box O’ Cornflakes of Doom: sure, 9mm is perfectly fine for people… but with the right choice of ammo, the Ten will ALSO ‘do’ for deer, bear, and delivery trucks :). The 36 may only have half the magazine capacity of the 19, but once again we hit that versatility issue. I live in a neighborhood where the locals buy pit bulls to prove how makko they are; and Mister Pit, he requires some persuadin’ to lie down…
    I liked the low recoil and easy controllability of my M19, but I carry the 23 now because I think it cuts the best balance between all of the above.

  4. Roughedge | July 22, 2008 at 11:29 pm | Permalink

    I like my .45 ACP Glocks personally.

    There’s something about 11 rounds of .45 in the size of a 6 shot 1911 that makes me happy. My Glock 30 hasn’t rusted, always works, and is light enough that I don’t need a smaller gun that seems so popular these days (Rugers Little Copy Pistol comes to mind).

  5. Steven Den Beste | July 23, 2008 at 7:36 pm | Permalink

    17+1?
    Do you really carry a round in the chamber? That’s dangerous!

  6. pdb | July 23, 2008 at 7:39 pm | Permalink

    Do you really carry a round in the chamber? That’s dangerous!

    You’re darn tootin’ it is!

  7. Rick C | July 24, 2008 at 9:17 am | Permalink

    I had typed up and erased a couple of different responses before I realized Steven’s line was almost certainly not intended to be a straight line.

  8. GeorgeH | July 24, 2008 at 4:14 pm | Permalink

    I am jonesing for a Glock 21 now that there is an inexpensive .50GI conversion available.

  9. Steven Den Beste | July 24, 2008 at 7:48 pm | Permalink

    Right. I thought carrying a round in the chamber was dangerous for you. (Not just dangerous for the bad guys.)

  10. Rick C | July 24, 2008 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

    Dedpends on the gun and you, I would assume. I believe 1911s in Condition 1 are supposed to be safe.