Acolytes of sensible firearms! Opponents of prissy guns! New Glock owners! Raise your right hand and repeat after me:
I, [YOUR NAME], having forsaken inferior fighting pistols that are encumbered with switches and levers and knobs and other ridiculousness that may get my ass shot off in a lethal force encounter, do solemnly swear that…
…I will never purchase nor install any 3rd party parts or accessories, especially those made of titanium, except for a set of steel night sights to replace the cheap plastic sights that can be twisted off with a pair of pliers.
…I will only purchase pistols in 9x19mm, since other autopistol chamberings offer no advantages other than costing more and taking up valuable magazine space.
…I will keep my pistol clean and properly lubricated, and will never, ever, never, double dog swear, never put lube in the striker channel.
…I will only shoot clean, jacketed ammunition in my pistol and avoid dirty, weak and poorly sized lead reloads.
…I understand that it is not the Glock that is shooting left, my sights do not need adjustment, for it is my lack of trigger management causing me to miss.
…I will purchase a quality holster that fits my exact model, not some cheap and flimsy “fits all” nylon holster which will flop around, soak up sweat, close up after I draw my pistol and possibly dump my pistol out in the dirt, making me look like a putz.
…I will wear my pistol every where it is legal, such that Evil may be opposed by 17+1 rounds of copper-clad righteousness.
…So help me [YOUR CHOSEN DEITY]! [HIS, HER, ITS, MY] will be done!