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The Shape Of Things To Come

All three of my long term readers have noticed a downturn in both the quality and quantity of my postings after selling off my store. Face it, most of the entertainment here was found in mocking the stupid, and with the steady supply I was enjoying in the video game retail world pinched off, I’m hurtin’ for material.

I don’t think the world needs another quasi-libertarian political blog, and the catalog of gunblogs is flush with writers who are both more talented and knowledgeable than I. I’m not under any particular delusion that my voice is any more unique or important than the zillions of others out there.

But I will continue to write, and I expect that most of my writings will be dominated by a new subject.

This is my son.

This picture was taken of him on November 1st. He is expected to make landfall at the end of February.

I don’t want to say that his arrival was wholly unexpected; I do have a passing familiarity with biology. But after about eight years of marriage, and about seven of that spent with no attempt made at forestalling nature with no results, The Mrs and I had reached certain conclusions about our plumbing.

This isn’t also to say that we were actively trying, to include charts and moon phases and dance rituals. Rather, our attitude towards children had slowly crumbled from “Glad They’re Someone Else’s Problem” to “It Might Be Nice” to “Maybe When We’re Ready”.

But ultimately we decided that to wait until we were ready was tantamount to postponing it indefinitely, and we began the adoption process. We scheduled classes and started poring over the foster parenting paperwork.

Then, a miracle happened — I became an unemployed bum! And as anyone whose walked around Walmart or driven past a trailer park knows, shiftless men without jobs seldom have trouble conceiving. And whaddyaknow!

In fact, his arrival was such a surprise that The Mrs was initially diagnosed by her MD as suffering from depression! Fortunately a second pee test was conducted soon after, and I found out when The Mrs waved the stick in front of my face at O’Dark:30 while shouting: “I’M PREGNANT!”

“Holy crap!” were my first words in my son’s presence.

So, yeah, fatherhood. I view this development with quiet apprehension, offset by abject terror. Who approved this? Who thought this was a good idea? What the hell business do I have being a father when my first thoughts were “I hope he doesn’t turn out like me!”

My two reasons for not curling up with a bourbon bottle on the bed in the fetal position (otherwise known as “Unemployment”) are the sure knowledge that he will have a fantastic mother, and that my concerns are nothing new, and have been dealt with by uncountable generations of fathers before me.

I promise not to curse Jackson (potential nicknames: ‘Lil Hickory, Twenny, Stonewall, Stoner, Rocky, M36, Slugger) with an easy life. I also promise to thoroughly embarrass him in the future by cataloging his development right here.

I also promise you that I will post more often. And you had better enjoy baby pictures, because this is only the beginning.

{ 35 } Comments

  1. Tam | November 8, 2007 at 2:18 pm | Permalink

    zomg! :)

    Congratulations to you both!

  2. Squeaky Wheel | November 8, 2007 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

    A boy! Congratulations! YAY!

  3. irritablearchitect | November 8, 2007 at 3:05 pm | Permalink

    Funny, as this is sounding kinda like my life, without the unemployment thing.

    My wife and I have been trying for some time (not sure how long, but it’s measured in years, I’m sure) and having the same results that you were having.

    Maybe I should look into the unemployment thing…oh, wait, that move to Europe that’s looming may be the ticket we’re looking for, so it seems I’m set for following your model. I’ll let you know how it goes.

    Anyway, congratulations.

  4. BobG | November 8, 2007 at 3:07 pm | Permalink

    Congrats!
    Hope she has an easy pregnancy with no complications.

  5. Madrocketscientist | November 8, 2007 at 3:10 pm | Permalink

    Congrats!

  6. TD | November 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm | Permalink

    I don’t see it. Do you have to unfocus your eyes or something?

  7. Jay G | November 8, 2007 at 3:22 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations!!!!

    Your life, as you have known it, is over. You will become “The Dad”. Specifically, you will be come “Jackson’s Dad” (great name, BTW; it’s classic and elegant and has the nice, curt “JACK” as the name you can yell while he takes a screwdriver to the tank of your motorcycle. Not that I’d know what THAT was like…).

    It is the toughest job imagineable. You will alternate between wanting to kill your progeny to wanting to wrap them up in Nerf-foam, usually in the same millisecond. Buy Rolaids. Lots of ‘em.

    In short, welcome to parenthood. Your membership expires when you do.

    Salut!

  8. Mrs PDB | November 8, 2007 at 3:25 pm | Permalink

    The face is in profile, facing up. The head and upper chest are in the image. Of the three white lines near the bottom, the outer two are back of head (left) and spine (right).
    Does that help?

  9. pdb | November 8, 2007 at 3:44 pm | Permalink

    My wife and I have been trying for some time (not sure how long, but it’s measured in years, I’m sure) and having the same results that you were having.

    Another thing that helped was having the Mrs around a bunch of babies. Encourage your siblings and cousins to reproduce and see what happens.

  10. Mathman | November 8, 2007 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    “he will have a fantastic mother”

    And the best friggin’ uncle in the universe!

    Congratulations again!!

  11. Mugwug | November 8, 2007 at 3:50 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations!

  12. pax | November 8, 2007 at 4:14 pm | Permalink

    Excellent!

    Welcome to the end of life as you knew it.

  13. slohand | November 8, 2007 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations to you and your wife!

    My wife and I were married for eight years before our first child was conceived. We (she mostly) had suffered every imaginable test to find out why we were deficient in the young’un department. Our families were both convinced that we were depriving them of grand-children on purpose!

    I could give you advice about being sure to introduce him to good books and good music. The best advice, however, is simply to love and enjoy him.

  14. phlegmfatale | November 8, 2007 at 5:44 pm | Permalink

    Actually, I hope he DOES turn out just like you – the world needs more of ya!

    Congratulations to you and Mrs. pdb – that’s going to be one awesome little kid!

  15. Prestersean | November 8, 2007 at 6:21 pm | Permalink

    All my best! Congrats to you both! Welcome to the end of your gun fund….

  16. Emeril | November 8, 2007 at 7:08 pm | Permalink

    It’s clear the stress of the store was damaging your junk-sauce.

    I was going to suggest that you could blog about the Jackanapes on XBox Live, but now I fear it could cause a miscarriage.

  17. DixieLaurel | November 8, 2007 at 7:44 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations! I told you she was pregnant.

  18. Cowboy Blob | November 8, 2007 at 8:25 pm | Permalink

    Congrats! So THAT’S why I’ve been avoiding sex! I’m a fertility machine!

  19. Brian | November 8, 2007 at 8:52 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations!!!

  20. existingthing | November 8, 2007 at 9:20 pm | Permalink

    Wow! Congratulations!

  21. paulcr39 | November 8, 2007 at 9:24 pm | Permalink

    HOO HOO !! HIGH FIVE! The better half and I found out today we’re also expecting.

  22. Ambulance Driver | November 8, 2007 at 9:27 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations, PDB!

    Now the fun begins!

  23. Speakertweaker | November 8, 2007 at 10:22 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations, dude. Sounds like he gonna have a good Dad, too. You’re already doing fine. I’d tell you not to worry, but you will. I’d tell you a lot of things, but you don’t need ‘em.

    But, I’ll tell you this. Folks will tell you all sorts of things as if they are factual, and furthermore paramount to the survival of your child. 99% is advice only (read: BS). At the end of the day, take it all at face value and do what you know/think is best. As long as he cries and fills a diaper, he’s fine.

    Here’s to you and your expanding family. Tell mrs. pdb the same, and she done good!

    Oh, and I learned a new phrase from Emeril. “Junk-sauce.” I’m adding that to my already locker-room-esque vocabulary.

    tweaker

  24. Sebastian | November 8, 2007 at 11:23 pm | Permalink

    Congrats. Perhaps one day I will have a rug rat of my own :)

  25. Kevin S. | November 9, 2007 at 12:31 am | Permalink

    Congratulations! This is the start of a wild ride!

  26. Don Gwinn | November 9, 2007 at 2:24 am | Permalink

    I can’t wait to send him a skateboard.
    Congratulations! You won’t be able to believe how great he is when he gets here.

  27. AJD | November 9, 2007 at 8:43 am | Permalink

    Congratulations to you both! Probably a good thing that you’ve reduced the number of terminally stupid people you have to deal with every day. (It would have made it more difficult to laugh at your son as he starts to show signs of how EVERY boy starts out stupid! Luckily, most of us outgrow it. ;-)

  28. Rick C | November 9, 2007 at 1:21 pm | Permalink

    That’s pretty similar to what happened to me and my wife–after 8 years we were starting to think we weren’t gonna have kids, and then one day (her birthday, natch) she woke me up waving a pee stick in my face. Thanks.

    Congrats, dude.

  29. DirtCrashr | November 9, 2007 at 1:44 pm | Permalink

    As with most things I got a late start and we’re not havin’ any – so somebody better do good!

  30. Pederson | November 9, 2007 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations!

    (You don’t owe me a baby, either.)

    As a bachelor, I have nothing to offer in the way of advice or amusing anecdotes. I have heard that pregnancy is one of those things that resists planning, though.

  31. cadrys | November 9, 2007 at 6:24 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations. Uhm, a previously-promised belated gift will be in the mail this weekend. Celebrate quickly, before your time becomes too fragmented to enjoy it. :)

  32. Kit | November 9, 2007 at 11:11 pm | Permalink

    AWESOME! More of us good guys!!!!! (If I’m not making sane capitalists babies I’m glad SOMEBODY is.) Congratulations. :)

  33. Marko | November 9, 2007 at 11:37 pm | Permalink

    Congratulations!

    Know this…there’s nothing at all, no amount of advice or pre-delivery reading of literature, that can prepare you for what’s ahead. The only time you ever have all the answers is before you have any kids yourself.

    Stock up on liquor. Stockpile all the sleep you can. Don’t worry, they’re not as breakable as they first seem. Sorry, they don’t come with an instruction manual stapled to their little butts, but when the time comes, you’ll know what to do. Most importantly….love the little booger, and you’ll be amazed how quickly and readily he’ll love you right back.

  34. Acksiom | November 11, 2007 at 3:28 am | Permalink

    Congratulations!

    So, as an atheist libertarian, are you at all open to the idea of letting him keep his foreskin?

    I’m not looking to start an argument; just hoping to serve as a well-informed and useful source if possible and needed. People can be so hyper-reactionary that I’ve learned to be a lot more R-strategy about the subject than K-strategy.

  35. Mark | November 12, 2007 at 1:11 am | Permalink

    I offer my congrats and prayers for the 3 of you. And I also offer my condolences, as a father of 7 I will tell you that your life will never ever be the same ever again. the joys, terrors and heartbreaks of your childs life are now yours as well.

    Mark

{ 2 } Trackbacks

  1. SayUncle » Congrats | November 9, 2007 at 8:40 am | Permalink

    [...] To PDB [...]

  2. The Unforgiving Minute » Slow Learner | November 9, 2007 at 1:46 pm | Permalink

    [...] It only took him seven years, but my good friend and blogfather pdb finally figured out how to get a woman pregnant. [...]