{ 2007 06 12 }

I’ve Had It

Let me tell you something.

For the last two and a half years, I’ve poured my everything into making my store work. I financed 120% of the purchase price and paid it all back. I’ve worked 30 months of 10-14 hour days and no days off until recently. I’ve had to brown-nose ignorant and abusive customers, comply with insulting and increasingly ridiculous government regulations, grovel at the feet of stingy suppliers, work hours and hours of unpaid overtime doing tax related chores, bounce checks, pay employees with promises and merchandise, submit to arbitrary and capricious government intrusion and inspection, and subsist on bartered fast food and microwave meals. I’ve had almost zero time for my hobbies and passions and become numb to both video games and movies, things I once loved.

And what has my reward been for trying to seize the American dream?

A bald patch, some gray hairs, a twitch in my left eye, about 50lbs gained and lost and regained, countless sleepless nights, a case of heartburn and a rather well read vanity blog. Oh, and about $1.75 per hour, after taxes.

Meanwhile, some gen-Y twerp with no discernible skills or education on the other side of the country commits $2.2 million of mortgage fraud, racks up over $200k in unsecured credit card debt, lives for months on “corporate credit” obtained through a shell corporation, allows almost all of his properties to be foreclosed on and sold at a loss, stiffs every single one of his creditors, breaks every single contract he’s signed, all while keeping his wife in the dark, and while describing it all in detail on his blog, and while being completely impervious to any sensible advice whatsoever.

Got all that?

Good. Now add to that: This week, some fan of this individual decided to reward this behavior with buying him a ticket to Australia, where some other fan of his decided to reward his behavior with free room and board down there for THREE MONTHS. And all this was done without informing his wife, who was given one hour notice before he left for Oz, and she discovered that he had also cleaned out the checking account when the checks started bouncing.

Got that? Work your ass off for 30 months selling things for slightly more than what you paid for them, and you get nuttin’. Commit massive mortgage and financial fraud, avoid all your liabilities, produce nothing of value, fuck over everyone who you come into contact with, flee the country and lie to your wife: get free stuff.

Clearly, I’ve been doing it wrong.

So let this be my letter of intent. I’ve had it up to three feet above my eyeballs with trying to play fair. I’m sick of being honest and treating people with respect and honoring my word.

I’m gonna do business the Casey Serin way!

From now on, I’m gonna defraud everyone I damn well can. Hear that? You’re all screwed. Rake money in hand over fist with no intent of paying it back? I’m there. Promise the moon and deliver nothing but hot air? I can handle it. I’d rather not flee prosecution for free to Oz, though. It’s been done. I’ve got readers in Iceland, however, whaddya say?

Cloaking my words in vapid Web 2.0 jargon and slimy real-estate guru lingo is gonna take time, and I haven’t talked to the Mrs about this yet, but isn’t that part of the plan?

Aaaah, sweet, sweet passive income! I deserve it!

Posted by pdb on Tuesday, June 12th, 2007, at 1:51 pm, and filed under Funny, Bloggery.

Follow any responses to this entry with the RSS 2.0 feed.

You can post a comment, or trackback from your site.