Spring has sprung! A green haze clouds the local treetops, and pdb has the front door propped open with a dead Nintendo 64! It is a calm, peaceful day, with only occasional interruptions from customers as the beautiful weather and ACC tournament provide distractions.
A pair of teenagers slouch along the sidewalk as pdb fiddles with his MAV and MOLLE pouches. They stop! pdb’s whiteboard sign is studied closely! They enter!
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“We wanna buy that DS Lite!”
“Which DS Lite?”
“The one on the sign outside!”
“Oh, that one. Sorry, sold that yesterday. Haven’t had time to update the board.”
“What?”
“Yeah, sorry about that. But if you want to give me your name and number, I can call you the next time I get one traded in.”
“When will that be?”
“I dunno, could be tomorrow, could be three months from now. Next time someone walks in with one and doesn’t want it anymore.”
“That sucks! You’re advertising something, and you have to sell it!”
“Sure, and like I said, next time I have one to sell, I’d be happy to give you a call and give you first shot at it. But I can’t order up a used system.”
“But that’s against the law!”
“Really? In what way?”
“You have to sell what you advertise!”
“Yes.”
“And you’re advertising a DS Lite for $109!”
“Yes.”
“So sell me a DS Lite for $109!”
“We’ve been over this. I can’t sell something I don’t have. And I can call you the next time I have one. But I cannot sell you a used DS today.”
“So sell me a new one!”
“Sure, we can order one for you. They’re $129, and we require you purchase 3 new items at the same time, or trade in at least $30 of used items.”
“No, sell me a new one for $109!”
“Why would I do that?”
“It’s the law!”
“In what way?”
“You have to sell what you advertise!”
“Correct! And any used DS Lites that I get traded in I sell for $109.”
Time passes.
“But on the sign it says ‘DL Lite $109′!”
“Also correct. You might note that at the top of the board the title reads ‘USED SYSTEMS IN STOCK TODAY!’“
Time passes.
“I’m going to get my mom to sue you! She knows a lawyer!”
“I bet she does.”
“She’ll sue you!”
“She’s welcome to try. Look, dude, I’m busy. I’ve got a sign to fix and I’ve got this supposedly user-friendly attachment system to figure out. I think we’ve established that this particular line of attack isn’t going to get you anywhere, so unless you’d like to buy something that I actually have, why don’t you leave me alone?”
“Woah, you don’t treat your customers very well!”
“Dude, you’ve offered to buy a hot selling system that costs me $135 for $110, and threatened me with a lawsuit when I declined. You’re really not much of a customer. ”
At this point, the young attorney’s companion laughs and pipes up:
“Dude, you’re so fucked up! Let’s go.”
And they depart.
BobG | 20-Mar-07 at 10:46 am | Permalink
Don’t you just love working with the public? Some of them are such idiots, you wonder how they learned to use a fork without losing an eye.
Josh | 20-Mar-07 at 1:08 pm | Permalink
Man, I hope there’s an update to this. Mom comes in, throws down with pdb and gets a first class verbal TKO. The stuff legends…er, ahh, entertaining reading is made of.