Imagine, if you will, a person with an IQ so low that the idea of toddling around on a plank of wood with wheels nailed to it sounds entertaining enough to adopt as a lifestyle. Further demonstrating his lack of higher brain function, this hypothetical person has spent a substantial sum of money on a very fancy plank of wood, colorful wheels, facial piercings, baggy overpriced clothes and a stupid haircut. This person also has a group of similiarly retarded individuals with which to hang out and commit various public displays of idiocy.
Now, with that mental picture fixed in your mind, where do you think these morons would go to play on their toys?
- A playground built on their own land, using funds and labor they provide, with all the curved plywood, rails and other appurtences they could desire, where they could ply their hobby in relative safety and without annoying others.
- A public playground, with pavement and other entertaining obstacles. They are perhaps not entirely welcome, but they are not banned either.
- A private parking lot and retail strip, where the tenant's desire to have such stupid behaviour occur elsewhere is announced via large signs that say "NO SKATEBOARDING! VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED!"
If you thought "Well, I know these people are idiots. And pdb expects to get a good post out of it, I'd have to say 3.", you'd be correct!
Usually, the encounter is brief:
A skateboarder goes trundling by pdb's door, on the sidewalk. pdb opens the door and summons his Lee Ermey voice:
"Hey Tony Hawk! Go do that somewhere else!"
"Your toy! Pick it up and go play somewhere else."
Levels of stubborness and wishing to appear strong in the face of Da Man stretch the exchange out some:
"We're not hurting anyone!"
"Swell. Go not hurt anyone someplace else. Maybe where playing on skateboards isn't prohibited."
"Whatever." Skating resumes.
"Would you like me to call you a ride?"
"Can I call you kids a ride, to take you somewhere else?"
"No, that's ok!"
"Then go. Now."
Of course, the 'ride' pdb has in mind is the local PD, who have remarkably shown up in under 10 minutes for a non-emergency call. So far, no skaters have taken pdb up on his kind offer.
Occasionally, stronger measures are required to make the point. One afternoon, pdb observes a couple of kids wanking around on their boards up and down the sidewalk. The preliminary exchange has already been employed to no effect, and pdb is feeling a tad aggrivated. Since pdb is walking around with the inventory clipboard anyway, a brief detour to the Xbox rental section is called for. Fortuitiously, the Xbox rental section is right next to the door…
…so that when one of the skaters comes rolling down the sidewalk…
…and pdb edges towards the door…
…pdb can give the door a good kick as the idiot skater is passing by! The door flies open, and sadly, as pdb's timing is off, the skater is merely winged by the aluminium frame instead of splatting against the glass. Still, the effect is dramatic, and the victim does a full 360-Fall On His Ass combo with a Cry For Mommy ender.
As the idiot skater picks himself off the parking lot, pdb gazes at the other loser chasing his friend's riderless skateboard as it rolls slowly out of the parking lot and into traffic.
"Things like this wouldn't happen if kids would just read signs. Say, can you read, junior? What does that sign over there say?"
"You hit me!"
"Actually, it says No Skateboarding! Don't they teach you dumb kids to read in school?"
"I'm telling my parents!"
"I'm sure they're already aware that you're an idiot, but feel free."
The kids depart. As it is a Sunday, the day crawls by until…
*ring*! "Thanks for calling pdb's game store, this is pdb."
"My son says you knocked him off his skateboard!"
"That's not true. It was the door that actually hit him. Just a tragic accident, really. I was going to open the door for a customer. So I went to open the door, and boom your son hit it. Ironically enough, I had just warned him against skateboarding on my sidewalk."
"He said that you cussed at him!"
"That would be a lie. While I did call him an idiot and imply that he was illiterate, I did not need to resort to gutter language to make my point."
"Well, we're never coming back to your store!"
"That would be assuming that you had ever been to my store at all. I do not believe that is the case."
Happily, they have kept their promise.