pdb

Dear Tit Nazis:

My wife and I feed our 3 month old son baby formula. We do this not because we do not love or care for our child, nor because we are ignorant or poorly informed, nor because we are the unthinking dupes of the formula conspiracy. No, we do this not out of choice (unless you consider starvation a choice), but because The Mrs’ ballad inducing rack is, sadly, mere decoration, and does not produce anything but lingering stares or jealousy, depending on the gender of the viewer.

This outcome is not due to a lack of trying. In our efforts to make the milk flow, we tried everything from classes to various pumps and even dribbling formula on the nipples in order to fool the munchkin into helping himself.

Also don’t think we wouldn’t prefer to feed our kid gazonga squeezings, because #DEITY knows, that canned stuff ain’t cheap.

So therefore, when we go seeking information on formulas and delivery devices, please keep the “BREAST IS BEST” propaganda to your own damn selves and let us feed our constantly hungry young’in. Knock off the judgmental looks as we prep a bottle in public, because it’s none of your jug-tugging business how we feed our offspring.

(FYI, Playtex Vent Aire bottles are the bomb diggedy shiznit.)

In conclusion, if you’re the type to roll your eyes when the young parents whip out the powder instead of an udder, blow me.

Thank you for your co-operation.